Dark Places - with Little or No Transport.

Everyone has a "Dark Place", somewhere in their heads where all the horrible stuff seems to get stored for all eternity. "Things you want to forget", "Things that NEVER happened", "Lies".The dark dusty place, down there on the left, next to "what you once knew about Shakespeare". That's right, next to "how to complete the square" and "the reasons you wanted a lime green room". Some times the strangest sequence of events can lead you right back here amongst the dust, grime and general doomy gloomy murky parks that you'd rather not trifle with regularly.

Everyone has one of those moments where life seems to throw you a really great thing, only to have it ripped out of your hands moments later, leaving you with the undeniable sense that you've been robbed of something. The overwhelming urge to scream "But hang on a second!" is always nearly drowned out by "but it never was really yours in the first place". Most of these occasions are stored in the box labeled "Money Problems" or "Sweet deals, depending if your filing is up-to-date. These are currently stored in the upper right side of my brain, next to "Ways to save for Holidays!" and "Things you want to buy but cant" also close to "Which supermarket sells the cheapest noodles". Important boxes, which are often visited. They are even alphabetised.

A new box. "Car problems".

Name: Car problems
Contents: Problems concerning Car, past Cars, Car related material which is problematic.
Location: Within "Money Problems" and cross referenced in "Sweet Deals". Also features in "Dark Place". vague reference to "Holiday Savings" and "How to get out of trouble"
Items: 1
Item and Description of Incident:
1, car broke. warranty failed to save. Flirting failed to save. Crying helped. Money received previous day from Hells Accountancy and earmarked for Holiday savings spent on buying car parts previously unaware of. Possibility of being ripped off. Cried in public. Feeling of impending doom as "I have nothing" is removed from Dark Place. Paid on 3 different bank cards. 1 declined. Car fixed. Relationship between car and owner is strained. Bank: £300 lighter.

The Big Blue and Red Supermarket

*...during rubbish interview that was not really going well...*


So Jen, the next question is about your skill set. Can you tell me what VBA is, where you will find it used, and how much you know?


/my brain giggles

Well. VBA stands for Visual Basic for Applications. It is a programming language used behind most Microsoft Office applications.... blah blah...

Oh, as for how much I know? I know a lot.

Can you programme VBA to save a file?
yes
can you open a file, read the contents, run some form of checks, save the file with a new name and close the file?
Yep.
How?
Shall I write it for you?
Go on then...
/me writes A4 page of code.
....ok.....
So Jen, how many program packages have you used, and how many programming languages do you know?
about 12.
delphi.. Pascal... VBA.. SQL... HTML... LaTex... GIS... Maple... SAS...Business Objects...Simul8.. MiniTab.. R.. S... ummm...
ok. That's enough.

A day in the life of a Student: Sample Menu during revision

breakfast (at approx 10:30-11:00) - Scrambled eggs and smoked haddock with an acquired Costa jug full of Tea.
Lunch (12:00 - 12:30): 6 Adsa value chocolate biccies, another vat of Tea.
Snack (14:00 ish): the left over melted malteasers.
snack (15:30 ish): Glass of red and chicken crisps (Jen) / two glasses of JD (James), some Easter Egg.
Pre dinner drinks (16:30): Brandy and a nice cigar in the sunshine. Start on the red wine.
Dinner (20:00): Chili, rice and garlic bread. Bottle of red wine.
Snack (anytime): toast/sweeties/anything on the communal table (eg, Nan's cake, Swedish biccies, some European chocolate)/ cereal/ left over Easter eggs (half off from Hotel Chocolate)

I am currently revising

which means in reality I'm watching channel 4 in my pj's with my notes and stuff around me, keeping an eye on myFace, while picking the scab on my knee*.


* a remnant from a particularly drunken evening involving welly boots and a regurgitated Snickers bar.

made me smile

"Some day you're going to wake up realising you love her, and when that day comes she's going to be waking up next to the guy who already knew."

Washing up.

James: In kitchen, hunting for knives.
Jen: In kitchen, reading dirty magazine on table.

Pierre: Swaggers into the kitchen in a way only the Europeans can...


James: Pierre, will you please do some washing up. We have no knives...
Jen (looking up from dirty magazine): Yeah, please hun. Oh and there is a Washing Up Amnesty relating to any stuff you have in your room at the moment. Bring it out now, and thou shalt not be judged. I may even wash it for you if you clean the table and take the bin out...
Pierre: Jen. My Angel.
James: You really should do it yourself...
Pierre. James. Do you like anal sex?
James (strange look): ........ No. There's better stuff i could think of..
Pierre: Well then. Washing up to me is like anal sex for you. Jen understands, don't you Jen?
Jen (looks up from reading dirty magazine): Eh? Oh. Yeah. Anal sex washing up. Not good.
Pierre: See.

End of Things

Ok, so not the end of ALL things. Just some important things.

UNI!!!

ok, so not the end of all things uni related. Just my last term of teaching.

ok, so you get the point?