Matt,
I'm sorry. I've been thinking about what happened and I admit I acted without grace or class. I have wanted to write for a while. I text you the other day, wanting to explain. Now I know that you don't want to hear from me. I know how it looked like I just dismissed you and ran back to what I knew; this was not the case. I'd like to explain.
I stopped fancy-ing you the moment you stood on my new boot, you wanker. How dare you think your stupid dirty man shoes could grace my beautiful soft shiny leather in some strange flirting ritual. You should have taken your chance while you had it, because now I am bored with you. Not to mention royally pissed off.
You may forgive me in time for running off (again) with your best friend. I will never forgive you blatant lack of respect for my boots, you twat. I'm half tempted to go and buy some (cheaper) boots and beat you over the head with them as punishment - how ever you're not even worth it.
I'd also like to say that when I told Jon of your blatant and inexcusable stomp, his face was filled with real understanding of my pain. Now, That's a real man.
Hope you and your family are well.
Jennifer.
p.s Face? Bovverd.
What i'm up to now...
5 comments:
I feel slightly dirty at having laughed out loud whilst reading this clearly heartfelt posting.
It's not because I'm mean in any sense; it's just because it comes across as humourous (sp.?) reading.
Reminds me (in a slightly twisted way) of my very first date with Teh Ex- when, whilst nibblin' her ear, I pointed-out that she maaay have a hairy ear.
My point? Stamping on ladies' shoooes is just not cricket.
Stamping on your boots! New Expensive Boots!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Does a man not understand that this just isnt on! did they have heels? because you could do severe damage with the heels. Thats why i use mine for...wait hang on who wrote that? never happened...x
I'm glad Jenny understands that I understand that it's all wrong. It's all so very wrong. For the record, she does own some fab boots.
*steals boots*
Damnit... Rammi got there before.
Those of you who have been playing close enough attention will now realise that's a more disturbing image than you might have originally thought... :)
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