So it's been a while

*wave*

goodness, this feels like an awkward reunion. There's so much on here I'd forgotten.

So much History.

Lots of times over the last 4 months I've wondered if I'd ever write on here again, and even now I only started to write an End.

Hearts are strange and wonderful, powerful and destructive. They can heal and they can break. They can inflict greater damage than the worst war, yet in a single beat they can save and restore hope. Some people can control their heart, I'm secretly quite glad I'm not one of that number.

Also I'd like to pay homage to my brain. I've been trying to follow my heart and think with my head; the pairing seems to be going well! But competing with that muscle is not easy - we got there in the end.

I'm not sure if I should write an apology to Jon. I behaved... badly. But for some reason his past behaviour seems to negate my affair. If I could go back, I would only have changed the date I left him. The 6 months of "getting the best of both worlds" should not have happened but then again, on some level it was exciting, fun and fulfilling.

Even though James had his woman (it's not for me to comment on the difficulties that he was going through) I trusted him on a level that I never trusted Jon on. James is my best friend, the one person I can spend 24 hours a day with an not feel annoyed or unhappy once.

In my heart Jon had become this man of super hero proportions who was so wonderful and amazing - but when pushed all of the memories were a lifetime ago. My heart still longs for Jon occasionally, but then the weight of those problems we faced come screaming back - that night he ruined my last party time before exams, he never read my dissertation, the obsessive behaviour over his phone, the fact he aways left me, he hated my favourite music...

James is far still far from perfect! His OCD is sometimes... obsessive. He's incredibly private. I don't think he'll ever "need" me in the same way Jon did. But I know he loves me, on a level where even if he doesn't like to say it - i know.

So yes, I still feel a little lost without Jon.

I still check every ambulance I see.

I'll always have a fully stocked first aid kit under my sink.

But I make tea milk last now

I have discussions about Chemistry and what level on Guitar Hero I'm on.

James said that I will always have a home with him, because with him -

I'm home.

• Single
• In pieces
• Crying
• Suffering with a headache
• Having trouble breathing through her nose

The end.

A Post for Pierre

See. Now you have one all of your own!

Jen (LOVES) Pierre

hehehe!

Whoooooooooooop!

I have a JOB!

on a graduate scheme!!

Seriously: Gold dust!!!!!!!!!

YYYay!

Now i really must pass this degree :-)

Today I am feeling..

broken.

Regular

This post has started 5 6 7 no 8 times now and always sounded far too deep and meaningful.


How important is Regular?

I don't mean only for our bowels, but routines, order. Seeing someone, spending time, doing things that make you happy not only because you're doing them but because you know that it's going to happen again. Then when you don't get Regular - your routine changes, perhaps unexpentantly - it makes you sad.

waffle; I know.

My point is that i like Regular. A lot. I may even love Regular. But does Regular love me? Some times I know even know if Regular likes me. It certainly wants to break any connection I have with it.

Waffle: like always.

It sounds like a strange relationship. I want to be with Regular but Regular thinks I'm happy with Sporadic. Noo *I cry*. Give me more Regular!!!

Nothing seems to be enough like Regular these days.

Waffle? I know.

Too much sunshine and revision.

Song du Jour

remember the days when your love was enough for me
Back when trusting the words that you said came naturally
Now the status of me and you has changed drastically
'Cuz your a lying you cheap thing you trying to come back to me

When you're telling me Baby I was working late (yeah right)
Or I got a flat tire (yeah right)
I'm telling you the honest thing (yeah right)
Or you're house got under fire (how do you come up with these things)
One more excuse from you don't know what I'm goin do
One more apology that you don't really mean
I hear you begging you telling me you love me
Keep that, I don't need that


I know you're sorry boy (who cares)
Didn't mean it (who cares)
Don't know what happened (who cares)
And won't repeat it (who cares)
You can take all of your stories and take all your explanations
you can shove it where the sun don't shine 'cuz I
don't care (I don't care)
'cuz I don't care

I'm not accepting no roses cards candy and no teddy bear
Don't bother wasting your breath or my time
I'm not interested
You shoulda known that eventually I'd grow tired of this
You're coming in with those lipstick smears and finding earings in your whip
you're telling me You were hanging with your friends (yeah right)
...you're phone went dead (yeah right)
Promising you'll make it up (yeah right)
But you're tired when I want some love (how do you come up with these things)

One more excuse from you don't know what I'm goin do
One more apology that you don't really mean
I hear you begging you telling me you love me
Keep that, I don't need that

I know your sorry boy (who cares)
Didn't mean it (who cares)
Don't know what happened (who cares) and won't repeat it (who cares)
You can take all of your stories and take all your explanations you can shove it where the sun don't shine 'cuz
I don't care

Why did you have to do this?
Everything was cool until you changed the way you move
Now all we have is ruined
But what you did it doesn't matter cuz
I don't care


I know your sorry boy (who cares)
Didn't mean it (who cares)
Don't know what happened (who cares) you won't repeat it (who cares)
You can take all of your stories and take all your explanations you can shove it where the sun don't shine 'cuz
I don't care
'cuz I don't care